Screaming from the bottom of my lungs

I'm writing this as a free-form rant from deep within the bowels of my frustration, but if you have anything useful to add, please don't hesitate. Why do I feel like I spend 3/4 of the day yelling at my kids? I never noticed what a super scream freak I was until about 2 years ago (naturally, it would start with the entry of another child into the Peanut Gallery). It seems like every other time I open my mouth, out tumbles, "Sssssh!!", "Quiet, please. QUIET!!!" or "Please stop.... !!!" These utterances are not born without remorse; the more I scream, the more I know it hurts my kids (and me) to continue doing so. The problem is, how do I stop being a screamer and how do I continue being a good mother?

Of all the drunks, rude customers and outright strange people I have dealt with in my previous years of food service, I've never been more frustrated or challenged than during the time I spend with the kids. Now, don't get me wrong; I love those little guys to pieces and then some. Ain't nothin' I wouldn't do for them. Also, I think it's safe to note that a lot of my friends, past and present, have always sworn that I'd be the crazy lady sitting at the park swinging her massive handbag (or lifebag, as one friend called it LOL) at the pigeons and passersby for fun. Oddly enough, God planned for this crazy lady to stay home with her rambunctious pair of pigeon-headed short people and they're both unintentionally pecking for the breadcrumbs of her sanity.

I do take comfort in a few aspects, though: I'm not the only mother in the world who has yelled at her kids a few (okay way) too many times. The fault is not theirs to own, as they are both wonderful, spirited children with sweet dispositions to boot. I just want to be nicer to my kids so that they know when they are doing something wrong, but they don't feel bad when they do. HELP!

Stove-top admiration

While I'm cleaning the stove today, Andrew (busy as ever building Lego Star Wars characters and "doing his business" on LegoClub.com and LegoShop.com) peers up from his reverie and exclaims quietly: "You're good!" I thank him sheepishly and continue on my crusade against cooked on gunk. A few moments later, he peers up again and states: "You're fast!" I laugh and ruffle his hair. No matter how hard I am on him, Andrew retains a sweetness and easy-going manner that just can't be beat. He's what I like to call a-good-husband-in-the-making!

"If you're not inspired by your kids, you need to spend more time with them!"

- Jackie's Vietnamese proverb

After I get done cleaning my lovely food-maker, I retreat to the Bat Cave (i.e. my room). Minutes following, Andrew clunks over to my door holding a large Sterilite container with a few handfuls of Legos. "The computer's all for you, Ma." he alerts me, signalling that he is done with Legoshop/Legoclub.com for the day. Harkens me back to the days when he first moved in and he told Alex with much grown-upness, one fine day on the phone, "Just a minute" as he balanced the horn between his shoulder and ear in order to free up his hands.

2009 Anniversary Trip

For our fourth anniversary, Jackie and I went to Cambria for the weekend. Cambria is a small vacation town on the Central Coast, between Morro Bay and Monterey. Our hotel room was only a few yards from the beach.